Learning to have an assertive mindset is one of the most important life skills you can develop. Studies have shown that having an assertive mindset can lead to a whole host of benefits, from increased self-confidence, better relationships, as well as improved mental and physical health.
But before you begin the journey of developing this mindset yourself, it’s important to understand what being assertive means. Psychologists define assertiveness as being able to express and communicate yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view while respecting the rights and beliefs of others simultaneously.
The basis of assertiveness lies in mutual respect and honest communication. Assertive communicators are straightforward and know how to set and maintain healthy boundaries between themselves and others, their relationships value and promote trust within them.
If you’re serious about living an authentic life and succeeding in reaching your goals, learning to have this assertive mindset is crucial. Take a minute and think about how you feel about your life right now. Are you satisfied with your personal and professional situations? Do you actively avoid conflict when it comes your way?? Do you worry about what other people think of you?
If your answer to any of these questions was no and you’re not happy with where you are now, the good news is that assertiveness is a habit that can be learned just like any other! With practice along with commitment, you can change your present mindset and live a life more aligned with your true values and aspirations.
To get started try these tips for introducing a more assertive approach into your life:
Decide what your priorities are and stick to them.
Work out your individual boundaries (within yourself, relationships, etc...).
Develop a more positive open posture and do your best to look people in the eye when you speak to them.
Use positive ‘I’ statements about how you’re feeling when talking with someone instead of blaming or finding fault with the other person. Be especially wary of feeling tempted to say, ‘you always’ or ‘you never.’
Get comfortable with saying ‘no’ to things you don’t want to or can’t do. Keep it simple and non-emotive and don’t feel you need to add an excuse or explanation; it’s perfectly okay to say “no” to things.
Only use ‘sorry’ when it’s appropriate for the situation. You also don’t need to apologize for saying no.
Offer alternative suggestions to proposals you don’t like or agree with.
Look for compromises.
Be honest and direct about your feelings, thoughts, and intentions.
Consider writing a script for a situation that feels awkward. Rehearse being confident while saying what it is you would like to say.
Do your best to try and keep your focus on the impact of the situation as well as finding a way to work together to find a mutually satisfying solution for everyone involved.
Above all, being assertive means staying in and accepting your power, and understanding that you have control over how you approach the situation along with your feelings about it. Assertiveness won’t get you everything you want all the time, but you will feel much more in control of yourself and your actions and you will deal much better with situations that would have previously been stressful.
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